So I has a PUPPY! My daddy got me a puppy named Baby Girl and its black and white and fluffy all over. I haven’t got a pic yet though and I’m not allowed to have dogs here so I’ll see her at Easter and then a month from then when I go home! I been smiling all day about it.
Today it was really weird ugly out. Foggy and cloudy and all sorts of gray. The humidity is messing with my bones. I ache. I’m old.
My leggings decided to divorce today. I have a big hole right where one shouldn’t be and it starting splitting up the back. Luckily no one noticed and I only had two classes today. I mean, I hope no one noticed. If they did…
So now I has a PUPPY!
Yoga in 30 minutes. Bye now!
This morning I woke up weak again, because I had another weird dream. This one was slightly more believable, but it was strange all the same.
It was a beautiful sunny day here in the city, much like the one we had today. Everyone was going about their business. I was walking somewhere high up, where I could see the harbor, the Brooklyn Bridge, and in the distance, Lady Liberty. Out of nowhere descended the biggest jet plane you could imagine. It smashed into the middle of the BK Bridge. I immediately started to run back towards Brooklyn as more planes seemed to appear from nowhere. Somewhere on the edge of BK I found my two cousins. I had no clue why they were there, but the older one was driving her pretty silver sports car with the all black interior. I hopped into the car with them and told them to drive as far away from Manhattan as possible. But instead, she drove over the Manhattan Bridge towards all the madness. I began to scream at her “Why are you driving this way!!? You’re going to get us killed!” She wouldn’t listen. She thought she was heading the right way when she clearly wasn’t. I began to cry.
Somehow time rewound and the scenario began again, starting with the plane crash. Then, at the end, after I started to cry, a plane crashed into the Manhattan Bridge, narrowly missing us. I hopped out of the car and ran back towards Brooklyn, remembering how much I hate going over the Manhattan bridge on foot because it shakes when the trains go over it. I shook my head and kept running, thinking that this madness was worse than any stupid trembles from a train.
Once I got to Brooklyn again I looked behind me and very rapidly, in a semi-flashback/semi-reality fashion I saw the images of the plane crashing into the BK Bridge, then immediately after that the Manhattan Bridge, and newly, finally, the Washington Bridge. I stared at it as I tried to remember its name. Then the thought of it shook me. B-M-W. I learned it from a teacher when I worked at the preschool last year. Then I fainted. And I woke up, terrorized.
i don’t think you can ever really get someone back after you’ve broken their heart.
you can maybe get a version of her, but you’ve changed her. this has changed her.
Although today was really nice, I just feel like my world has turned upside down. It’d be really soothing to have a close friend around to talk to but they are all gone. I just want things to go back to normal. I don’t want to be the girl with no close friends who got written up for having alcohol in her room and is worrying about her grades even though she’s been working her butt off. I want to just relax in my big red bed at home and be stress free, laughing, giggling on the phone. Why isn’t that me anymore? Is this what I need to experience to be successful in this world? If it is, I hope the world knows that it sucks.
Okay, so my point actually, and I do have one, has nothing to do with surprises or death or lawsuits or even surgeons. My point is this-
Whoever said ‘What you don’t know can’t hurt you,” was a complete and total moron. Because for most people I know, not knowing is the worst feeling in the world.
Meredith Grey in Grey’s Anatomy
I have $3000 on its way to my anxiously waiting bank account soon, and tomorrow’s my brother’s birthday. So what’s going on…
I didn’t go to the initial session today. That’s because I stayed up till 4 am watching Grey’s. My mother isn’t answering her phone and its annoying. I want to try and see if my siblings can come down and spend the weekend with me. My roommate bounced for the weekend. I’m quite lonely.
Even though I have been promised a trip out this weekend I’m not too sure I want to go. Being with them is going to remind me of my situation and I don’t need any more reminders.
I highly doubt he cares as much as I do though. I’m waiting to get that point where it doesn’t hurt and its not on my mind anymore. Hopefully that will come soon. For now I’ll continue to curiously look at my phone like he’s going to call when I know he won’t. He’s never been good at digging himself out of holes. Ever. I’m going to move all the pictures I have of him or us onto discs and print out the chat histories and put it all in one folder somewhere out of my sight. Its all taking up unnecessary space on my hard drive. I hate knowing myself to be like this. All down and stuff for something that obviously isn’t worth it. Its just a tough blow coming at a tough time. But I’m tough. So pretty soon I’m sure I’ll be back to normal.
In the meantime, I’ve deactivated my Facebook. Knowing I have no real friends up there anyways. When my refund comes I am going to get a new phone and change my number. All in the process of filtering out the junk in my life. I am sticking close to one person and I’m even keeping a distance from her. I don’t really trust anyone since people feel the need to take advantage of my feelings and my kindness. Did I mention I found out a variety of things about other people? Its disgusting how stupid people are these days. I am so glad no one can come out of the woodwork with secrets about me; there are none. I don’t run my life that way. Never will.