15 Away

This weekend I stayed close to home, and had some of the nicest three days I’ve had in a long time. This Thursday, one of my favorite semi-underground artists performed at school (for free!). Ryan Leslie did not perform my two favorites of his, “Quicksand” and “Gibberish”, but his set was truly awesome, he took some of his oldies and put a twist on them, and played some new stuff too. His electric guitar player was off the chain too although I was questioning his choice of headgear. Of course I was getting the most amazing pictures with my XTi from a spot even closer than front row. I didn’t get to meet him though thanks to the P Board being disorganized as fuck… but all in all it was a nice experience. They had some very nice poets perform before him which just added to the atmosphere.

This poet was named Simply Kat and she had a lot of awesome poems but she was rushing, due to the limited time they gave her. I wanted to buy her book but I am not in the best financial state.

That, of course is Ryan Leslie (Next Selection!). He deff seemed to have a bit of a too cocky feel coming off of him. I wasn’t really worried about that though. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, its “worry about the music, and not the artist”.(* I had to stamp the fuck out of that picture for obvious reasons. *)

Now on Friday, I woke up late and ventured across the BK Bridge

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When you live for your love and you’ve given your all, you can always give it some more.
Fall Again by Robin Thicke & Kenny G

Its not about Valentine’s Day. Its about ME.


I want this blog to be terribly honest. I want to be able to print this out a time from now and have a record of exactly how I’ve been feeling. This is my new journal, since I don’t have paper ones anymore.

I just got off the phone with my mother and my siblings, and it was the first time I felt bad for not talking to them at all in the past month. My youngest sister asked me do I remember her… I don’t know how I feel about this whole school vs. home thing. I don’t like the fact that I feel forced out of my house just so that I won’t be imprisoned. I really feel hurt that my sister asked me that but I know that its no one’s fault but my own. I was creating that distance on purpose, I need to demonstrate that I am not dependent on being in that house. At the same time I have been missing my sisters and brother like crazy… I just don’t feel like any of this is fair. The only person I’ve really been talking to up until tonight is my mother. Tonight she told me that my brother got into a fight at school (my old school) with a pair of twins and the mother of the twins called the cops… keep in mind my brother isn’t even a teenager yet and he is the skinniest thing. He didn’t get in trouble or anything but still was calling the cops really necessary? My littlest sister finally knows how to spell her name because my other sister drilled it into her head. I gave them my address here at the hotel so they can send me stuff.

My bank account is negative eleven dollars. I am not even speaking on that topic.

Last night I got drunk and I remember thinking “Would my sisters and brother be proud of me right now”, and burying my head into a couch. I wasn’t doing anything crazy though, just joking with my friends and dancing. I needed that honestly. Especially after the stress that was last week.

I was just informed that my best friend is coming to the city at some point this week, but not by him, by someone else. And I don’t know how I feel about this either. But I am throwing my hands up and keeping my mouth closed about it. I have reached the end of my reasoning. As a matter of fact I will keep a positive mind and keep faith that maybe I will receive a visit and all that good jazz. Mmmhmm. I’m no good at that at all. But bear my witness that I am trying. Hard.

Tomorrow I’m heading into Brooklyn to chill with my friend, and then I’m going to come back and do some homework. Overall this weekend has filled out nicely, and tomorrow night I will recap.

The me that you know and the me that I know are two different women. I wish you knew the one I know… she’s not such a failure.


Today I went to my first ever clothing swap. Its this thing where you bring good condition clothes, lay them on a table, go have refreshments, and then come back to the clothes and grab what you can before everyone else does. At least, that’s how it went.

I thought I did a pretty good job and I was so proud of myself because I grabbed a red scarf, and a red beanie, that I managed to fill with accessories. But of course, when I got home, I realized that all of these prized items had disappeared. Now I want to cry because 1. I love scarves 2. I love beanies 3. I love love LOVE accessories. Now they are all gone. I think someone robbed me while I was getting more clothes. Nothing else is missing. Not fair.

I have a Spanish test to study for. Ryan Leslie is performing at school tomorrow and there’s a chance I might be able to get backstage. 

But my parents just called me asking me a million questions and pissed me off. Let me hurry up and finish studying so this night can end.

365photo #2: My Tongue
Tinted with iced tea =)

365photo #2: My Tongue

Tinted with iced tea =)

  • Her: So what are your plans for Valentine's Day?
  • (He looks at the floor.)
  • Me: That day doesn't exist on my calendar.

Invisibility Cloak

I’ve been wondering why in the hell did I choose the college that I currently go to. Now, I don’t have to think hard at all. I needed an escape, and I picked the most exciting place I could think of at the time. New York City. Nothing else really mattered to me at the time.

Little did I know two years later I’d be sitting in the cafeteria of the same school, feeling as lost and lonely as Hansel and Gretel in the middle of the forest. I don’t really know how I feel about this. On one hand, its okay and I don’t care. But on the other hand, its my second year in school. Where is everyone?

365photo #1: The Freckles Under My Eye
I really am fond of the freckles underneath my right eye. Don’t ask me why though. I guess you can say I like them because they’re a very unique distinguishing feature.

365photo #1: The Freckles Under My Eye

I really am fond of the freckles underneath my right eye. Don’t ask me why though. I guess you can say I like them because they’re a very unique distinguishing feature.

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All content original protected work of XLCV, 2011.

"I was reborn when I was broken"